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Mildly Evil Curses for Your Enemies and Asshole Friends

  • May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
  • May every sock you wear be slightly rotated, just enough for it to be uncomfortable.
  • May your mother come to talk to you, and then leave your door slightly ajar, so that you have to get up and close it.
  • May your article load that little extra bit as you're about to click a link so you click an ad instead
  • May both sides of your pillow be warm.
  • May you forever feel your cell phone vibrating in the pocket it's not even in.
  • May all your Facebook notifications be game invites.
  • May You Always Get Up From Your Computer With Your Headphones Still Attached.
  • May your life be as pleasant as you are.
  • May you not be able to gain an erection without thinking about Peter Dinklage
  • May your mother call you during every orgasm.
  • May the audio be slightly off sync from the video you are trying to watch.
  • May you always choose the slowest queue.
  • May every NSFW link you click turn out to be NSFL
  • May your asshole grow tastebuds.
  • May your subtitles never sync right
  • May you see your typo only after yuo hit send
  • May people always greet you with a sweaty handshake.
  • May your five year old neighbour have their violin lesson during all of your hangovers.
  • May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
  • May every movie you watch with your parents include a lengthy, graphic sex scene.
  • May Senpai Never Notices You.
  • May your tea be too hot when you receive it, and too cold by the time you remember it's there
  • May your headphones snag on every door handle
  • May you always need to pee when you are just comfortable in bed
  • May you always have to write a captcha everytime you text/message someone
  • May there always be one less step on the stairs than you expect.
  • May there always be one more bag than you can carry in one trip from the car.
  • May you always clip your fingernails too short.
  • May any hot meal you eat be frozen in the middle.
  • May every video you watch buffers every 15 seconds.
  • May your ankle socks gradually fall off of your foot into your shoe. Every time!
  • May you dream of being at work whenever you sleep.
  • May all your farts be wet.
  • May your internet connection be disconnected at random. 
  • May your pasta sauce never cling to your spaghetti.
  • May you always only have enough toilet paper for one wipe.
  • May you always have the feeling of a popcorn kernel stuck in between your teeth.
  • May you only be able to poop after you take a shower. 
  • May you always feel the need to sneeze but never be able to do it.